I cried on the way to work. Held in the tears all day, then cried on the way home. Cried when my youngest cried. Crying now. Will most likely cry when I go to bed later.
This may sound redundant, but I feel so bad because I feel so bad on his birthday. Know what I mean? His birthday is supposed to be happy. Not that we made a huge deal out of it when he was alive. The kids enjoyed his birthday more than he did, and that is the part he really enjoyed. He would watch them get all excited when he would open his presents, which I let them pick out. (You can only imagine what he got...stuffed animals, boxer shorts with Disney characters, you get the idea.) All he ever requested on his birthday was to "order a pizza".
So tonight, like I planned, we ordered a pizza. My younger son, who typically only eats once piece of pizza, ate two tonight. When he put the second piece on his plate, he said, "This one's for Daddy."
I'm so sorry. I know it's so hard. My husband pasted away in June and August was his birthday. It was so hard. As soon as I woke up that day I was crying. One day at a time!!! That's what I keep telling myself.
ReplyDeleteOh boy, can I relate to so much of this, and to your other posts. I look forward to reading more thoroughly as soon as I can...
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I know all about those tears in the car. The big sunglasses come in handy.
Sending you a hug,
Maria