Missing...

Well, it's Christmas evening, I'm home with my PJ's on, and the festivities are over. My boys are busying themselves around the house and I'm here with my laptop. I made it through my first Christmas Eve and Christmas Day without Bobby, although I had my moments where the loneliness was both physically painful and absolutely unbearable.

I put up the tree and decorated the house (sans mistletoe). I shopped at the mall. I managed to entertain yesterday, since I couldn't bear the thought of my house being empty. I watched my kids open their presents this morning; I even managed to take pictures. I went to my sister-in-law's today to have Christmas dinner, and celebrate my nine-year-old niece's Christmas birthday. I gave and received presents, and tried the vodka-spiked punch and had some cake. I even laughed with my four-year-old niece who can be very entertaining. But something was missing....

I'm not talking about the obvious...of course Bobby was missing, that is a given. But there was - is - something else missing...and that is joy. No matter what I do or where I go or who I am with, there is no longer any joy in my heart. I was one of those people who really enjoyed Christmas and the whole season...I never wanted or wished it to be over like some people do. But the joy of the season, even the every day joy that people experience, is gone. It's just gone, and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it.

Merry Christmas, Bobby, where ever you are. I miss you....