Thursday, October 14, 2010

Getting Real on TV

I was watching one of my favorite shows on TV the other day and there was a story about a widower getting married. He was having a conversation with his Godfather on the morning of the wedding, and he was talking about his first wife, Rebecca.

"Rebecca’s on my mind all the time now that I’m getting married again. And the longer she’s gone, the more perfect she becomes when I think about her. You know, but the truth is, she was beautifully human. Never hung up a damp towel in her life. Never filled up the car when the gauge was on “E”, and every once in a while she would use the word “impact” as a verb. And I would do anything to bring her back, but I can’t. And I don’t want to be alone."

First, I need to say kudos to the writers for this monologue. If that writer has not lost a spouse, I’d be very surprised because I could not believe the way he or she captured the feelings of a grieving spouse.

The monologue makes two points that really resonated with me. First, he admits that Rebecca was not perfect. I can definitely say that Bobby was not perfect. He left socks on the floor, toothpaste in the bathroom sink, dirty dishes in the kitchen sink, and for some unknown reason that I could never figure out, he would put his dirty clothes on top of the hamper instead of inside of it. But even though these are true, he does become more perfect as every day goes by that he is gone, and I would give anything to see those socks on the floor again.

I am also happy with the way the writer of this show acknowledges that the widower would do anything to bring back Rebecca, even though he is marrying his fiancĂ©e that day, whom he does truly love. I don’t know any widow or widower, no matter how much in love they may be with their new partner, saying or even thinking, “Boy, am I glad so-and-so died, because if they didn’t, I wouldn’t have met so-and-so.” This might sound harsh, but it is how I feel. So it was refreshing to see a widower (albeit a fictional one) admit those feelings, even on his wedding day.


  1. The older I get, the more I feel that life has plans for us that we don't always understand or want. We don't have a choice over who comes into our lives and who leaves our lives. It hurts, but this guy is moving on because as he puts it, he doesn't want to be alone. And that's as good enough as any a reason to move on. But you never forget.
    Also, now I know why Tony and Bobby were friends. Tony never puts his clothes in the hamper, just one it!

  2. I just wanted to say that I just found your blog tonight and I am sorry for your loss. I like your writing, and your honesty, and I'm glad you're writing because I know it will help you as you grieve. I lost my husband almost 5 years ago when I was 44. I enjoyed the script portion you share here. It's exactly right. I have recently started seeing someone new who makes me really happy, but if I could, I'd bring my husband and the father of my children back to life. It's weird to love someone new yet also feel this way. But I can't bring my husband back. Fortunately, I can love again. Thanks for writing and sharing. I wish you strength as you do the hard, hard work of grieving.