Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The Night the Lights Went Out

About a week ago, I flipped the switch in my bedroom to put on the light (which is part of a ceiling fan) and the lights did not go on.  It's not the bulbs, it's the switch.  So the switch has to be changed.

I knew absolutely NOTHING about changing a switch.  Before Bobby died, this would have been a complete non-issue.  Remedying this problem would have been so easy.  I would have told him the lights weren't going on, he would have mumbled something under his breath, went to the garage, got a new switch and changed it.  Fifteen minutes - tops - it would have been done and I wouldn't even be thinking about it anymore.

Now?  It's a huge issue!  And it made me angry.  I wasn't supposed to have to worry about stuff like this.  This was something that Bobby was supposed to do.  But now it was my problem, and  I had to make a choice - hire someone to change it or change it myself.  If I hire someone, that will entail getting a recommendation from someone, then calling, and trying to find a time when they will come out to do such a small job.  It's crazy, because whenever I've called anyone to do a small job, they never show up.  Apparently, it's not worth their time or effort to come out to fix something so small.  Then, assuming I do find someone willing to make an appointment to do it, I'll probably end up having to take at least a half-day off from work to wait for them to show up, and they'll charge me an arm and a leg.

There is also the issue of the broken switch being located in my bedroom.  I'm not comfortable with strangers being in my bedroom - not comfortable at all.  It drove me crazy when Bobby was sick and people were traipsing in and out of my bedroom all day and all night like it was Grand Central Station.  My bedroom is my private space as far as I'm concerned.

The other choice is pretty scary because working with electricity can be dangerous.  I could change it myself, which will mean looking up on YouTube how to change a light switch, then watching the video as I change it.  The only thing I know for sure is that I'll have to shut off the electricity before I attempt this.

The whole situation so annoying, and also a huge reminder, of how my life has changed.  What would have been a complete non-issue before Bobby died has turned into a big ordeal.

So I made the choice to do it myself.  I went to Home Depot and got a new switch.  I bought the most expensive one, simply because I figure electricity is not something to be messed around with.  It was $2.99 versus 69 cents, so I figured I would splurge.  I watched the video on YouTube, and changed it.  It works!  This is huge for me, since changing a switch is not something I would have ever thought I'd ever have to do. 

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Rules Are.....

One of my favorite lines in the movie "Grease" (yes, I'm dating myself once again) is the line that Leo ("Craterface" from the other gang) says to Danny (John Travolta's character) right before the drag race, "The rules are, there ain't no rules."

I've been a widow for almost three years, and I've learned something very important – when it comes to grief - the rules are, there ain’t no rules.

I regularly read several blogs and Facebook posts about being a widow(er), and it seems like everyone has a different opinion of how to grieve, when to grieve, whether or not you can or should have closure, whether or not you should take down the pictures or leave them up, move or not move, wear or remove your wedding ring, whether or not you should date and/or get remarried, and how long you should wait to date if you choose to.  This list can go on and on.

What have I learned?  There is no one way, right way, wrong way, old way, or new way to grieve.  Each person has to grieve in the way that is best for him or her, and not worry about what the people around them think, and that means other widows and widowers, too.  We should not worry about what makes others uncomfortable, or cut short our grief because someone in our life can't handle it.  The people who matter will stick with you no matter what.  I find that there are certain bloggers with whom I agree with almost everything they say about grief, and then one day I'll read something and say to myself, "No way!"  There are other bloggers with whom I rarely agree with anything they say, but once in a while I may agree with them on one or two points.  Just like we all have unique fingerprints, our grief journeys are also unique.  As long as our grief is not abusive to ourselves or others, then whatever path that we take in grief is the one we are supposed to be on.

So basically, when it comes to grief, the rules are…there ain’t no rules.