Friday, December 31, 2010

New Year's Eve

I know this might sound a little nutty, but for me, New Year's Eve is going to be the hardest holiday to go through without Bobby. Some people might think it would be Christmas or my anniversary, but tonight, New Year's Eve, will be the hardest.

I know everyone's traditions and situations are different, but for me, on Christmas Eve and Christmas, I was missing him badly, but I was so busy and surrounded by my family and I was in constant movement...serve appetizers, serve dinner, clean up, open gifts, serve dinner, clean up again. Not a lot of time to think until everyone left, then cried and went to bed.

It so happens this year, on my anniversary, I had made plans for some home repair to be done, since it was a Saturday and I'd be home. And truthfully, we never really celebrated our anniversary on "the day" most of the time simply because if it fell on a weekday, we had to go to work that day and more than likely drive the kids somewhere that evening. So I got through that. (I'm not saying it was easy, but there were distractions).

But in my lifetime, New Years has always been all about midnight, couples, and the kiss. Every year, at midnight, no matter who we were spending it with, all the couples would stand next to their spouses, count down backwards, and at midnight, kiss each other, and then hug and kiss the kids. I kissed him for the last nineteen New Years Eve's and planned on kissing him for a lot more than that, but tonight I won't be able to do it.

So New Years has gone from "fun with friends and the kiss at midnight" to just another blaring opportunity for loneliness to rear it's ugly head. It is so hard to get my head around the fact that I will never again get a New Year's kiss. Maybe I'll just go to bed at 9:00.

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