I don't really understand a lot of what people are talking about when they talk about grief. Especially when people get really existential. Phrases like "transform your grief", "you can be closer to your spouse more now than when he was alive", "people choose pain" and "the gifts of death,” confuse me and sometimes even anger me. When I read these things on Facebook or other websites for widowed people I'm probably looking at the computer with a glazed look on my face because most of this stuff makes no sense to me. I'm much more comfortable living in the concrete.
So once in a while, when something comes my way that does make me understand more of what I am going through, I'm thrilled because I'm really tired of not "getting it". Recently, I saw this on the web (and I do not remember where I saw it):
Living with grief is like traveling on a railroad track. One side of the track is sadness and the other side of the track is happiness. When a train travels on a track, it travels on both sides, simultaneously, like a grieving person lives their life, sad and happy, at the same time.
I thought that was great because it's a really concrete illustration of how I feel the majority of the time. It also really helps me because it allows me to give to others who've never been through this a clearer picture of how my life is now.
And it makes a lot more sense than that other stuff!!!!