Plastic Roses

One of my favorite entertainers is Stevie Nicks. She sings the song, "Sometimes It's a Bitch" (written by Billy Falcon and Jon Bon Jovi), which is a great song, about taking the good with the bad. Her song lyrics elude to the fact that given the choice she wouldn't change anything in her life, even the bad. (You can view the lyrics here and listen to song here.)

I was totally on board with her until Bobby died. Now, of course, there is something I would change. (It's not rocket science.....)

One of the lines of the song is, "Sometimes it's roses, sometimes it's weeds." Meaning that in life we have good days (the roses) and bad

days (the weeds). I used to think this was true. Before Bobby died, of course I would have good days and bad days, and let me tell you, the good days were truly "roses" while the bad ones were certainly "weeds". But after a "weed" day, or even a series of "weed" days, eventually the roses would bloom again, and all was right with my little world once again.

Things are different now, though.

As a widow, I still have "rose" days and "weed" days. My "rose" days have consisted of many different things, for example, my trip to Paris, the cruise I took with my kids, just spending time with friends and family, New Years Eve in Times Square, to name a few. But I've noticed that my "rose" days are no longer truly the same as the "rose" days pre-widowhood. They are pretend...like plastic roses. No matter what I am doing, no matter how much fun or how happy I seem to be, there is always sadness and pain lurking in my heart.

And that fact alone makes me feel sadder still. Will I ever have a day again when the roses are real?