People who have not experienced loss of a spouse do not realize that for the most part, we, the surviving spouses, really appreciate when the name of our late spouse is mentioned. We love hearing others talk about them, and are not offended or saddened when they are brought up in conversation.
Last night, I went to "Back-to-School-Night" at the high school where my kids attend school. Many years ago, Bobby worked there for a couple of years as a Technician, and he became friendly with most of the Business Education teachers because his office was housed in their building. These are the people he ate lunch with and joked around with for many years, and he was well liked among the staff.
I was walking my son's daily schedule with the other parents, and during "Third Period", I went to my son's media class and saw the teacher, whom I've known for years due to her friendship with Bobby. She was happy to see me, and after her presentation for the parents, commented to me how much my son reminded her of Bobby. "Not so much in looks, but in his mannerisms." It's true, my younger son does have a lot of Bobby's mannerisms. She told me that she still misses him and her eyes even welled up. I thanked her and hurried off to Biology, Fourth Period, where that teacher also commented on the same thing about my son's mannerisms. She, too, was friends with Bobby and told me about the long chats they would have in the halls on her lunch break.
Later on, during my son's "lunch period", I stopped to see the teachers in the Business Department Teacher's Room, to say hello. I was greeted with smiles and hugs. The media teacher who I had seen earlier was there, and we reiterated our conversation for the others on how much my son's mannerisms match my husband's, and how much he looks like him, except that he is a blond, while my husband had dark brown, almost black, hair. I told them, "My mother-in-law told me that Bobby was a blond when he was younger, too. It got darker as he got older." One of the other teachers there who was close to Bobby chuckled and added, "Then it turned gray." We all laughed at his comment, because it was true, Bobby was going gray and his hair was about 50% gray when he passed away.
It felt so good to have him mentioned and talked about as though he was still there. It warms my heart to know that this group of people still think about him and feel comfortable enough to talk to me about him and joke about him, as if here were in the room.
Maybe he was......
