Incomplete

I found out yesterday that one of Bobby’s colleagues passed away. I did not know this man at all, but he and Bobby were “work friends”.

As soon as I found out, my first inclination was to call Bobby to see if he had heard about it and how he was feeling. I knew he would have been sad to hear the news, and I wanted to comfort him if he needed it. But the fact that I could not do this left me feeling…well…very strange. It was the same feeling that I get when I know I’m missing something without remembering what it is; or that I had forgotten to do something. Or that feeling you get when you’re driving home from the grocery store, you know there is something that you forgot to pick up and you can’t think of what it is, and you feel as though something is incomplete. I don’t like it.

Despite this, my feelings also go out to this man’s family. I do not know if he has left a widow behind or not, but I wish his whole family peace in the upcoming days.

Thinking of Me

I know it is just a TV show, but Go On really hit the nail on the head in one scene when Ryan (Matthew Perry's character - the widower) was talking to his assistant, Carrie. He was making a real pain of himself, showing up where ever she was with her girlfriends to hang out, and making her work late simply because he didn't like going home to his empty house.  After all this, finally, in one scene, she tells him that he has to stop following her around, and he tells her that one of the things he misses the most is knowing that someone is thinking of him even though they are not together.  Carrie promises to think of him when they are not together, and even sends him a text when he goes to a basketball game reminding him to take an antacid if he plans on eating nachos.

If I had to pick something that hurts the most about being a widow, is the fact that Bobby is no longer around, thinking of me even when I am not there.  Nobody is missing me, or wondering if I'm taking care of myself.  It may seem selfish thinking this way, but I cannot help it....it hurts.  He used to send me emails at work during the day that would simply say, "I miss you."  He would randomly hug me for no reason.  He would make me tea and rub my back when I didn't feel well, and I didn't even have to ask.  I hope he knew how much all that meant to me!!  They made me feel special, a feeling I haven't had in a very long time.