Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Rules Are.....

One of my favorite lines in the movie "Grease" (yes, I'm dating myself once again) is the line that Leo ("Craterface" from the other gang) says to Danny (John Travolta's character) right before the drag race, "The rules are, there ain't no rules."

I've been a widow for almost three years, and I've learned something very important – when it comes to grief - the rules are, there ain’t no rules.

I regularly read several blogs and Facebook posts about being a widow(er), and it seems like everyone has a different opinion of how to grieve, when to grieve, whether or not you can or should have closure, whether or not you should take down the pictures or leave them up, move or not move, wear or remove your wedding ring, whether or not you should date and/or get remarried, and how long you should wait to date if you choose to.  This list can go on and on.

What have I learned?  There is no one way, right way, wrong way, old way, or new way to grieve.  Each person has to grieve in the way that is best for him or her, and not worry about what the people around them think, and that means other widows and widowers, too.  We should not worry about what makes others uncomfortable, or cut short our grief because someone in our life can't handle it.  The people who matter will stick with you no matter what.  I find that there are certain bloggers with whom I agree with almost everything they say about grief, and then one day I'll read something and say to myself, "No way!"  There are other bloggers with whom I rarely agree with anything they say, but once in a while I may agree with them on one or two points.  Just like we all have unique fingerprints, our grief journeys are also unique.  As long as our grief is not abusive to ourselves or others, then whatever path that we take in grief is the one we are supposed to be on.

So basically, when it comes to grief, the rules are…there ain’t no rules.


  1. Good rule :-)
    I have tried many different rules, and I have tried to break even more rules.
    It's a mess every now and then, but it's my mess, and my mess alone.