Well, I could care less right now about bringing my "sexy" back. But I would love to bring my "girly" back. They say widowhood changes who you are - your thoughts, your feelings, possibly even your essence - but who knew it would actually change the way I look?
When Bobby was alive, I wore more makeup, high heels almost every day, and lots of bright colors. I have a great shoe collection!! My nails were done most of the time as well. I wear my hair long, and I used to take the time to straighten it almost every day because it can get very curly. I would also wear dresses or skirts on a regular basis.
Now? That great shoe collection is collecting dust because now I wear the same old pair of black flats every day to work. (Once in a while I'll mix it up and wear the brown flats). Gone are the bright colors. I wear mostly muted and/or dark colors. My hair is still long, but I cannot remember the last time I straightened it. I wash it and go. I've had my nails done off and on, but I usually end up peeling them off because they are annoying and they get in the way of all the new responsibilities I now have. I stopped wearing dresses and skirts except for when I go to weddings. I did wear a skirt to church this past Sunday for Easter, and I felt very uncomfortable in it, as if it was no longer "me". And I devote about five minutes (if that) to putting on makeup in the morning. I have no drive to put the time into being the "girly girl" I once was, because I am too busy worrying about all the things that Bobby had to worry about.
Then there are all the things I've blogged about int he past...the most recently being changing the light switch by myself, and all the other stuff I seem to need to know and worry about like generators, car tires and taking care of the pool. This is all the stuff that Bobby used to do, and it is all part of losing the femininity that I once had. He used to tease me about "breaking a nail" or "another pair of shoes?" but it was always with love and affection. He loved me the way I was, manicured nails and all.
