I'm Back!

I haven't thought about posting to this blog for quite a while now.  But for some reason I was drawn to it today - and I could not put my finger on why.  While I was trying to remember my password for this blog, I typed the URL into my browser and saw the last date I posted - August 21, 2013.  Exactly two years ago today.  Maybe that's why I was drawn to it today.

In my last post two years ago, I said I was ready to make changes in my life.  I wanted to be happy and what I was doing was not making me happy anymore.  I was not living; I was only existing.  Just existing can get really boring after a while, and a little depressing, so as I said two years ago today, I was ready to "Turn and Face the Strange".

So I did.

I retired from my job (an early retirement - I'm not that old!!)  I am in the process of changing careers.  I've seen my oldest graduate and go off to college, and my youngest get his driver's license. I bought a new car.  I changed my hair, then changed it back because I hated the new hairdo. (Not all changes work!!)  But the biggest change of all is - drum roll please - I'm engaged.  Yes, engaged to be married.  He put a ring on it.

Who?  What??  Huh??

The last time I posted, I didn't even have a boyfriend.  I hadn't even gone on a date.  I spent the first three and a half years of my widowhood insisting I was not dating for a variety of reasons.  I actually listed those reasons at one point in an email to myself so I would never forget.  But the same week I made that last post, I agreed to meet my friend's cousin, a divorced man with two sons.  The first date was nerve wracking.  We agreed to meet at the movies, and I spent the entire drive to the movie theater bickering with Bobby. I felt like I heard him talking to me in my head, which really was me just working out my guilt and conflict that was taking place inside my heart.  I felt like I was cheating.  I felt disloyal. I felt like a cad.  But I also felt lonely, and I had to do something about it.

That was in November of 2013.  One year and nine months later, we are engaged.  We have not made any wedding plans yet.  For now, we are just basking in the happiness of being engaged.   And now I have a wedding to plan.  A new chapter.